Amar Bhindeshi Tara ( My Foreign Star)- Waiting for a Pherari Mon now!

Rickshaw Safari at Ajmer

Amar bhindeshi tara( My foreign star)

akaa rateri akashe..(alone in the night sky)

Tumi bajale aktara (You played the ektara)

amar chilekotahr pashe( Right next to my house)

Thik shondhe namar mukhe( Just before sunset)

Tomar naam dhore keu daake(Someone calls out your name)

Mukh lukiye kaar buke (On whose chest do you hide your face)

tomar golpo bolo kaake(Whom do you tell your tale?)

Amar raat jaga tara (My sleepless star)

tomar onno parae bari(Your house is in another neighbourhood)

Amar bhoy pawa chehara (My scared face)

ami adote anari ( I am nothing but a fool)

When meeshti deedi gifted meeshti for Appu 

 Is it time to RE-create 9 November 2016? jaani na!

Deedi and me <3 <3... Thanks a lot ,my Blonde Bombshell for bestowing me with such a red letter day of moments, pranks, impressions and expressions, non- stop chit chats....I am really overpowered by the power of your words too just like  you felt for mine.. In fact your text also touched me a lot,my Deedi ji... Love you loads like the way I love and adore that khoob bhalo cum meeshti language, literature, songs and what not..... You are really my 'bhindeshi tara, my Deedi <3 <3.. Hope we can join hands for our weird plans.hehehe.... Thanks a lot for being in touch and making me feel the warmth of a sisterly care for a day.. The friendship that got a mighty upstart from the Creative Writer's festival- let it flourish like an ocean of love, funs, care, gifts, happiness, sorrow and with all the crests and troughs of our eternal sustenance...  Thanks for your touching words on me couched in tension and attention.I love to know more and more about you, travel, explore and lot many things. The passage of time, the subtle chief of youth, faces cum phases in various species of people I come across throughout my twenty six years or revolutions around this mighty planet taught me to have a world of my own although everybody can't accept my 'often unbearable childish cum talkative nature', straight forward comments and.. Still, I am what I am.. I love to be with people who have their own calms and storms in life that made them attain success at its zenith. Some people can never appreciate anyone/thing  and know only destructive ways verbally,orally and emotionally. Being a student of literature dwelling in the world of words, I just enjoy and began taking all these  pleasures,pains, aching joys and dizzy raptures as the part and parcel of my life.

counting 'bhindeshi tara'

See you soon at Ajmer or Kerala or Bangladesh..Now it is the time of your summer break. Yearning to have an auspicious day with you, my Barrister deedi ji.... 'amar ekla lage bhari 'is a reality.Still some moments made by someones exceptional can transcend many ekla feelings.is it so, Deedi..???.muah,my bhindeshi tara <3 <3 

Please ghum hoye jao chokhe(Please become the sleep in my eyes)

amar mon kharaper rat e(On my depressed night)

Amar raat jaga tara (My sleepless star)

amar akash choya bari(your sky touching house)

Ami paina chute tomay (I cannot reach you)

amar akla laage bhari.(I feel so lonely all alone)

 Now it's time for me to put an end to my pursuit and own a mon - ek Pherari mon( to catch hold of an escaping mind).. Hope Deedi is aware of what alchemy I am in search of.. hehehehehe...

If winter is an etching, spring a water colour and summer an oil painting, then autumn is a mosaic of all these very seasons... Waiting for the autumn of my life now.......

Sister's love at first sight- That day of Udaipur, the land of forts and lakes!

MT's Snow and my empty Snow

"Whether I reach the goal
or am felled by death midway
I shall keep marching, my heels
Grinding all the thorns in the path" <3 <3
A poem which my Father taught in my mother tongue Malayalam during my school days for an Extempore event on behalf of a 'kaviyarangu'.The poem was made immortal by none other than the creator of My Preceptor(Ente Gurunathan). The other day I happened to come across the translation of these lyrics from an Orient Longman book which I have copied from my alma mater,Hyderabd Central University .. Anakha Ajith- Thanks, Meenukutty for getting me this book last time without forgetting it. Keep it up! waiting for more gifts and stuffs plus vice versa. These lyrics made me stupefy for a while- in wonder, excitement, apprehension, anticipation,sublimity? I do not know but one thing I am cocksure is I yearn to freeze the moments of euphoria and these words keep on inspiring me just like the way my utmost loving Achan remains a constant source of inspiration in my 'on the roads' mode life. 

Anakha Ajith- It is a matter of ecstasy to have a glimpse of some intimate lines of mine which I used to fondle from my tenth standard examination break.Here comes the significance of your Amma - my Amma girl - yes, M T Vasudevan Nair's Snow(Manju)- I guess this is the first classic novels which Amma has brought for me from her office library and thereby opening a world of time( a stagnant expanse of water like the Naini Tal lake). Looking forward is equally human and that is why I keep on moving with the incurable malady of hope always and as as usual. Anakha Ajith - I recollect the words of a guy who studied with me in my Masters at University of Hyderabad(Hope you got the person as well as the name). As I was always considered a laughing stock by some 'great' tom, dick and harry saying 'I follow the pattern of stream of consciousness technique, I don't feel anything bad though these days.Yes Meenu, if I follow the stream of consciousness mode, wayward drifting of memories and the panorama of past landscape, my parents will only be responsible as you mention off and on.I am honoured to be a hyper pampered and spoiled girl of my parents.hehehehe.Always indebted- If somebody recognizes you by your face, you feel happy.But if somebody recognizes you by saying he/she has met you over there and somebody remembers you by the name of the topic and paper you have presented out of innumerable candidates, that will mean a lot( for me). 
Anirudhan Sir- Feeling delighted in that way especially when I am becoming a part of the 'unaccustomed earth.MT's empty snow keep on instilling the hopes and hopelessness of my life. Vimala and Buddu render the facades of my 'rising rain'.Last but not the least, my late Granny who taught me the English alphabet, nursery rhymes, mathematics table and ......... Above all, the smile with which she cared and loved us though her inner pangs were only hers and hers. But something is in store for my cute granny who did not forget to mention me at her last breath.My vast treasure house of stories crave for a lowland.. Lahiri's lowland or my Arundhati Roy's ministry of utmost happiness? Jaani na! Anakha mol- count down begins. Diasporic 'avial' aaya namaha!

Ready, steady, go for the 'snow'- A night delight from the leaflet of Banaras Hindu University(Kashi Viswa Vidyalaya)

Rango se Pyaar- HOLI(Y)DAYS

Rango se Pyaar- Yup, its time for the 'festival of colours' at our Pink City. Time to break barriers and build bonds with the I year PG English Department becchas- A surprise 'freshers' kinda Holy for the PG guys with dance, mastis, music with body muscles, cake and colour facial. Rince- You did a commendable act, da <3 The atmosphere was a real blend of Hindi,Rajasthani, Punjabi and numma typical Chennai special dappam kootthu songs... I appreciate for the guts you have taken to organise an event despite all cold responses and comments( da, kooduthal pongipokalle DR chekka). Looking forward to our ZEPHYR.Thank you guys for making the day a colourful memory in the stages as well as the pages of my CURAJ life. Loved the moments with the cute people who have seen PhD fellows only as their faculties at times. Nivedita Roy, Mamta Meharaniya- Hope we all plump soon for the next 'tug of war'.. Ahmed- Hope you experienced the day with us( a day without caste.hahaha). A big thanks to my small Ankit for the eternal smiling face which I have noted on the very first lecture I have given for you, guys. Hope we create many smiling moments together in spite of all calms and storms. Here is the symbolic representation of Holy/Pre- Holy gala. I mean the dual nature of any human entity as the theory suggests.
PC:Garima .. I am sharing the pic of Kajal.. so photo courtesy for both the small cuties <3 
<3

UTTERLY BUTTERLY PATHETIC!

Had a small shopping,Gurudwara via hospital visit today.On the way back from Kishangarh to campus, I entered into a bus from RK community junction. The conductor asked me "aap kaham utharoge?" I said Bandarsindri.He understood I am from Central University of Rajasthan.His next query did not shock me at all -"aap kaham ka rahne wali hei?" He has comprehended from my look cum outlook that I am not from the 'land of royals, deserts and forts'. May be I lack the charm, fairness and typical features needed for a woman in the Hand Book of many lands( I am very proud of my physical, emotional and mental makeup though).When I said Kerala, his next question shifted to my caste.I said 'OBC'. Then he asked 'jaise hamare chaudhury, yadav, jat ke tarah kya hei aapka sirname? I said-" naam ke bina kuch bhee nehi he, bhai.papa ka naam use karthe.jat, jangir or rathore nehi hei".He made me expound the caste names of Kerala at least. I really thought for a while- My classmates and conductor wallas are no less. All prefer birth status to worth.Caste has this much to do in life aah? I do not know.. Anakha Ajith- I doubt will there a day come on the basis of ascribed status and achieved status, my Anthroplogist?Still from somewhere, I feel thankful for all these experiences and desert life.They do and did add a lot to my life with its typical cruel kindness <3 As usual worst circumstances can only teach best things. True to the core <3.The day turned out to be an amazing one as I opened my eyes today morning having a glance at my scribbling on Dr.Verghese Kurien,the Father of White Revolution.Hence the day was really 'utterly butterly'but Pathetic! Giving a hope for revolution.hehe!

Its time to triumph over this vital fire of life enmeshed in manmade barriers.

INDIAN YOUTH PARLIAMENT- Weaving patterns in my life sketch

"My function in life is not to be a politician in parliament:it is to get something done" Yet another INDIAN Youth Parliament session and feeling proud to be a part of four Parliaments by now at four venues as well as four coordinators in the span of PhD life. Kudos to dear Ashutosh jifor your solo venture and making this an exceptionally exceptional occurence. Feeling ecstatic to be a part of your praiseworthy undertaking (y) Glad to join hands with you not only as a participant but also as a member of advisory council.. My heart felt gratitude for making this very birthday special by all the surprise cake,snacks, Indore Special Poha,meeting, eating( Rohitash and Kajol- Aashirvad restaurant was the best..est..est part of our event.. Missing those pranky moments couched in the boisterous laughter, guys :D ).. Above all,my sound bite for the press conference in Rashtra Bhasha(the most unkindest cut of all.hehe).. Active interactive sessions with Medha Patkar ji, Patra ji, Sunil ji, Pradyot Deb Burman Mankiya ji.. Being a student of Literature, I firmly believe in the words of my Sartor Resartus man, Thomas Carlyle- Parliament will train you to talk; and above all things to hear, with patience, unlimited quantities of foolish talk.. Being inspired by the speech of Manikyai, I ignited my mind by lending my ears to one of your TED speeches. One sentence has not yet ceased reverberating from my recesses - "If good people are not ready to enter into politics, we should stop blaming bad people ruling". Well said, Maharaja... Many a times I have felt this..Lets wait for a qualitative transition! A pic worth uploading on this Women's day as we had a really stupendous time discussing the problems and prospects in the shining face of a woman entity though hiding the phases encountered by her in the safari of life.. Still, inspired always and ever by Kalpana Chawla- JP Harrison(school days), Mary Kom- Onler ( college days), Indira Priyadarshini- Jawaharlal Nehru(PhD days)..And Ever motivated by the economists Jagdish Bhagwati and Padma Desai <3 <3 .Hope some day I come across and sip a cup of soup with my Indian lady with an American experience and her better half.. Special thanks to Rajeev Yadav and Omprakash  becchas for all mastis.. Looking forward to chart my next Indian Youth Parliament trip.. Earned a lot from the speakers who opened themselves to us with what they learnt in life.. Miss You all and my humble gratitude.

The most unkindest cut of all!

An ODE to GHARAM CHAI

Motto of Annapurna Mess

The pleasant windy Tuesday morning prompted me to set my feet into the recently opened 'Annapurna' mess of our PhD girls hostel(open for UG and PG girls too).I hardly go to mess on morning s and this is maiden entry to the New Year special Mess(hopefully my last entry as well for breakfast).It was my helplessness that made me go there. Anakha Ajith- numma Varghese Kurien Ji's Amul milk powder and even sugar got over and our store does not function on all days. My intention was to sip a glass of 'gharam chai' than the poha with namkeen and sauce.I am always reminded of a saying here especially that Bengalis and Malayalis love tea like anything.I consider myself an epitome of this chaivnist ideology.Here people prefer, love and drink milk which is as ghora as their complexion.However, I have never seen tea or milk served to the brim in glasses. Ishtiva(mandan baby) and my Nikhil bro know extremely well how much food their chechi can gulp.So I had a little bit of poha, finished within a few minutes.But mind was still thirsty for chai or some gharam pani.I asked the serving bhayya for some more chai. He said- nehi.. I asked - bhayya, khaana unlimited hei na?chai kyom nehi dethe?He responded- khaana unlimited hei lekin peena nehi.aap mess cordinator sei poochiye.I said- koi baath nehi,mei canteen jaakar peeongi.. I thought for a while as a soliloquy- Oh, the slogan of Annapurna mess is "food is our common ground, a universal experience".. Water or drinking material is not mentioned. Now I got the point'.. People talk about the royal highness and hospitality.I have seen people serving water or universal solvent when we are in real need. When we had a mess in the UG girls hostel, there was a serving uncle who used to give me sabji from the reserved bhojan of their box whenever I come to mess almost close to the closing time 10pm for dinner. He is not educated or not looking good like the khaana unlimited people.This uncle approximately close to my Father's age surprised me one day after Diwali break saying he is grateful to a few mess girls like me for gifting him Diwali token of love.I literally broke into tears when he showed the new shirt and pant piece which he brought because of us.Why I thought of saying this here is Last time I was invited for the so called community Malayali Onam programme.I reached campus after my Assam University conference on that day and some junior mallus forced me to attend.My parents and sister over phone said I must go.Hence I went, just showed my face.But some people forced me to have lunch with them(I had only one round food and that also took time to digest just because of the way the people are) Ananth- Hope you do remember the day, bro.. No sooner did I finish the food than a fellow said chechi, things for fired rice and chicken were high and we collected 250 Rs from all.I just gave the 500Rs and took 250Rs back.I never felt that as a home or space of my own as these community people including faculties come and recognise only for their needs.They dont even say a word of appreciation other than laughing at us like anything.Some faculties(not mentioning names) who say good for namesake will call and praise me for editing their 68 or 70 pages reports, articles saying its just a matter of 7 minutes for me.These people who make me do all their works with a comment on my promptness never say a good word other than usual mockery good and very good.Not even a wish on birthday to their best supporting friend?.Yet another fact for blame is I am a Southern Keralite and people here hold the notion that we are like moorkhans.I still do not know why they approach poor south Indian like me when they wanted their needs done especially druing admission, bank account opening and all. I am proud of mu Identity as a South Indian and above all a Southern Keralite.If had never stayed or studied at IJT PRESS CLUB 2013-14 of numma Trivandrum, I should not have become the present Aparna.Thanks and grateful to the way my teachers, wellwishers and acaquantances from Trivnadrum treat me especially during the troubles with their whole hearted support. Abdul sir- where are your so called great social worker students then?? A man has to born as social and no degrees can bestow the qualities of social workers.Hope you know all the stories and I feel proud of your comments to move forward without giving a damn to all sweet people of your land and social work language... This is how the days begin here.Disappointments and cold behaviour usually start from department premises and now it began in hostel mess. Let me conclude with a fact that I am not bothered of the consequences in penning the realities I face here.I have loads of friends here especially in PhD who gave me maximum support to express all the opinions as frankly in my usual tone.The saddest part of the saga is nobody supports me when I land up in a struggle.They keep on sitting together and gossiping and if possible, a sympathetic comment for the South Indian girl of their PhD batch.That is it.Still I dont care being a freelance journalist and I know a time may come when my pen will be mightier than sword.Last but not the least, my dearest Father's words always reverberate in my mind- Laugh and the world laugh with you, weep and you weep alone.I am glad that I have a family with utmost caring parents, a sister and a lovely grandpa chittappan.That is why my voice craves for a Universal solvent despite the silent pity of all my fellows.. Anakha Ajith- Please do come at least once to get the real feel of your only sister's desert life and experience how worth your hearsay is.. Paone - Please come along with my kutty..I am longing for your arrival, my crazy cum lazy companions <3 

MARCH 3- Birth Day as a Worth Day

The third birthday of my North Indian life also turned out to be a novel experience as usual and away from the madding crowd of the campus life.My heartfelt thanks to the wishes and prayers of all dear and near ones,wellwishers,my special friends and unseen voices.Thanks a ton to Kajol,Neha,Ashutosh ji,Rohit and all other lovely guys for making this day a redletter one with the surprise birthday cake,sweets,lunch and the triple bike ride.Indeed a grand birthday with the Press meet,Indian Youth parliament campaigning,newton mode comments cum funs and what not.It is a matter of profound delight to enjoy and begin the 27th revolution with new faces who made me feel I am a part of them bereft of all caste,race and geographical differences cum distances.It filled my mind with awe when I received many unexcepted phone calls and messages though some people whom I mistakenly consider as a part of mine did not bother to wish.no complaints and issues as all are sick hurry with their palsied hearts.Still,feeling happy with the same patience as many things befall quite unexpectedly.When time,the subtle chief of youth prompts me to set off my voyage to the twenty seventh year of my sustenance,the very uncertainty and pursuit of some endless queries prevail.Once more,hereby I commence my usual path of the eternal quest in search of my fresh wooods and pastures new.The land of Ahilya Devi,MHOW,khajrana mandir beckoned me with the warmth of a new yearning.Now its time to dwell again in my usual cum unusual hopes and hopelessness of life.Nothing other than a humble thanks from my recesses for all birthday wishes.Thank you all.

INDIAN YOUTH PARLIAMENT @ INDORE